That Cold Finger of Fear

For the last seven or eight years, I've been looking over my shoulder.  This is kind of a secret, but kind of not.  Some people know of this fear that I have.  Some would call it paranoid or selfish to be afraid of contracting an illness from which my mother suffers, but it's hard to not do it.

In the beginning, when I started to notice that something was "off" with my mom, there were certain things that she'd do that were strange to her.  One of them was losing the ability to knit from a pattern.  She'd start off projects with gusto! and then peter off into abandoning them.  At first, it was a puzzle to me.  Her nicely wound skeins of yarn would turn into smaller and smaller balls that were hand-wound.  They would be all over her home, and then, they'd sit in a bowl on the table as a "decoration," never to be knitted from again.  Then we found out she had dementia.

The fear paralyzes me when I lose my spot in a pattern, can't find it again, and have to rip it all the way out (frog it) and start over again.  The hand-wound ball of yarn that I end up with is very unnerving.  I know that this is silly, something that happens to all knitters and as a metaphor to all people in their own way.  I'm hoping that writing about it and putting it on the blog helps me to banish the fear....

The Next Chapter

There has been lots and lots and lots of time since my last post.  And there have been reasons.  After running my first marathon, I got back to the business of catching up on a million things I'd neglected while training.  I know that I'm making it sound like I trained 24/7, but I didn't.  However, the physical training was only part of it.  There was a whole all-encompassing mental thing that snuck up on me.  It took awhile to re-connect with my life.  It was a positive experience and really life-changing.

Then, almost right away, I started training for Tough Mudder Wisconsin 2013 with a wonderfully extended team.  Why did I choose to do this 12-mile / 22-obstacle gut-clencher for a second time? Because I'm crazy.  Also, I love it.  The workouts were nuts, and I felt so alive.  That took place the first week of September.

Being a part of a team is important, especially when one really needs the team to complete the challenge.

It's also good to remember that there are people in my corner.  Being reminded of that is a good thing.

And in case you wondered, this is me getting help with a 12-foot wall (with no toe holds) from some of my fabulous Tough Mudder teammates.  The pictures here serve as a metaphor for something I need to remember:  Please let other key people in my life help me when the going gets tough (read:  impossible) rather than try to go it alone.

Wow.  What a difference it makes to trust people who can be trusted.  Really.

In between Wisconsin Marathon and Tough Mudder, there was a crazy amount of fastpitch softball (Delaney)

and Little League baseball (Aidan).  (And a parade collided with baseball.)

It was a great summer.  We were busy with the things and people we love.  

The warm weather wrapped up with the Miller Park Half Marathon at the end of September.  Now, we are enjoying a long autumn.  This is the first real autumn we've enjoyed in a few years.

Life is changing.  My mom is declining heavily with her frontotemporal dementia.  We are sadly hoping she finds her peace soon.  The kids are getting bigger and are into bigger kid activities.  I'm working on a few projects having to do with knitting, writing, and a combination of the two.  One of them that a good friend is letting me get in on is here, and there will be a couple of other fun things coming up.  Rob is seeking a new path in his professional life.  I continue to run and train for the next fun physical challenge.  Life is good.  We just have to remember that and live it.  And remember that the choice for happiness is ours for the taking.

Personal and family upheaval is time consuming and soul consuming.  I've missed my blog and the normalcy it helps me to realize.  Since all the change is happening around me, I'm going to change it up for myself too.  A rolling stone gathers no moss, after all.

Welcome to the next chapter.

26.2 Done

Saturday was the Wisconsin Marathon.  This was my first 26.2 miler, and it was as gut wrenchingly difficult as a marathon should be.  The last six miles were very, very painful, and I honestly didn't know how I would finish.  I only knew there was no way I was quitting after coming that far.

People stationed themselves along the course, and I will forever be grateful to these wonderful friends, family members, and strangers who helped me make it through to the finish.  I am fortunate to have such people in my life, including the ones who made sure to let me know that they were with me in spirit that day.  I am grateful for the physical ability to put my body through that turmoil, and for having the heart to know that life is richer for the challenges we meet.

My knee held up, but just barely.  I have a toenail issue, and my muscles are sore everywhere.  However, my soul is content right now in only the way that accomplishing a big, scary goal can make it feel.

Life is good.

Almost There

Time sure does fly when one is running all the time!  At least, that's how it feels anyway, and that's how it seems, if you judge by my (lack of) housekeeping over the last several months.

The Marathon is 9 days from today.  The long runs are over, and I am in the "taper" period of running only a few short distances, resting my legs, and trying not to fret.

My last long-ish run was last Friday.  It was hailing sideways, and then the hail turned to snow.  It hurt to be out in it, which might account for the fact that I saw no other runners that day.....

Also, I tweaked my bad knee this week.  Lovely timing.  I have skipped two runs this week, and today it feels...well, I'm not going to say and then jinx myself.....  Tomorrow, I hope to get in 8, and then it's just a few short training runs until the big day.  Wahoo!

 So, to ease my marathon anxiety, I've been hanging out with this cupcake monster,

 Getting in some girlfriend time,

 and shopping with my sporty fashionista.

Baker's Dozen

Today's run was 13 miles in newly fallen snow.  I felt fine on the inside, but my legs and feet were begging me to stop after 10.  I made it though.  Missing two runs this week is probably why it was so hard.  Oi.  Halfway there in mileage.

Moving Along

Time is getting away from me, and there is no real reason why.  We have had a bout of viruses visiting lately. In fact, Aidan is home for day two today (and this is his third "day two" off school since Christmas break).

Last week, my long run was a dozen miles.  It went great.  I wasn't even sore the next day.  I was amazed.  However, now I'm down with chest congestion and other junk.  Running all the miles in wind, cold, and snow had to catch up with me.  I missed yesterday's 3-mile run due to my sicky kid being home.  It was warm and winter-balmy.  Today, I have a 6-miler on my schedule, but the sicky is still here, the weather is cold/wind/snow, and I feel crummy.  Let's see if I can pull out at least a short run when reinforcements arrive in the form of Delaney after school.  If I keep running past my house, I feel comfortable leaving them here for a short run.  We'll see.  I am nervous about running my 13 miles this Friday with too many missed training days.  I'm not sure if it's better to rest completely and be fresh for the end of the week or try to push it a little bit.  I think I will just wait until later and see if I am up for it.

I love winter, but I am ready for friendlier running weather without having to weigh myself down with all those layers and all that wool!

The Birds are Back

I forgot to fill the bird feeder.  Then it got to be something that just slipped out of my mind for a couple of weeks.  Poor things.  Then when it got really cold outside, and I tried to feed them....the door to our deck was frozen shut.  Finally, I remembered to ask Rob to unstick it for me.  It took him about two minutes, even though I could not figure it out for the life of me.  After I filled the (almost) squirrel - proof feeder (they should prepare for winter better and leave the bird's food alone), I decided it was time to put out the suet pinecone that Delaney made at school (and which had been gracing our kitchen counter in a ziplocked bag for about 32 days).

Well, needless to say, the birds were quick to forgive.  They have been making up for lost time ever since.  I love to watch them during my stolen moments knitting at the kitchen table.  The kids too (not while knitting....homework, breakfast, reading, whatever)

Welcome back, feathered friends!  I promise to be better to you from now on.

Today, we are getting big snow.  Finally!