Watching the dementia take hold of her all those years ago and having to force her to face it for the sake of her safety and others was hard. In fact, the battles with her and some family members changed me forever. My children's entire lives have been dotted with things I wish they hadn't had to experience as I brought them with me to check in and to rescue with stealth. I'm no freaky hero, and I've made many mistakes along the way, but I can honestly say that I did everything I could do as I was living through the last eleven years to help my mother to be safe, to feel loved, to not be left behind. That while raising with my husband two empathetic, intelligent, soulful children.
That is why there's no regret. My heart is ready to let her go on to the next phase of her being, to leave behind the body and mind that must have so frustrated her. Now though, her room is filled with peace that is so tangible that I know she's not alone. I believe that someone is waiting for her just beyond a filmy curtain and that she will be ok. Finally.
We will never be the same. That is a fact. I must believe that, while I cannot think of an ounce of good this disease did for my mother, it maybe gave my children and my husband and I a little more faith in the higher power, more patience, a greater sense of taking care of family, and the knowledge that being sad together is better than being happy alone.
